Why Only Always Blame The Man???
In the last few days, the incidents that led to the sudden and shocking death of Sunanda Pushkar – a woman I truly liked and could relate to in so many ways, has made me ponder on a number of issues relating to the emotional and moral health of my own gender.
Why do we women allow ourselves to be sucked into the whirlpool of our own overwrought emotions, over the anomalies of our men? Why can’t we keep our calm and help maintain the equilibrium that is so essential to staying afloat in a raging sea of suspicion and jealousy. Often it is the desperate flinging of our nerves, as in the way a drowning person his limbs in a raging sea, that results in taking us down, crashing us out against the hard ground reality of men’s inherent need to humour their self-image by way of welcoming if not encouraging any attention that comes their way. We women, however independent or successful, tend to make our man the centre of our world and any intrusion into our cosy island of dreams, topples the applecart of our sense of security or well-being in the world. The sad case in point I’m trying to make here is that of Sunanda Pushkar and Shashi Tharoor, and the controversy over Mehr Tarar.
It is also true that a lot of times it is we women, like I think was the case with Mehr Tarar, who make a dive for another woman’s man, throwing him baits in the form of exaggerated attention he cannot turn down let alone overlook. We go all out to enthral him if we find him mentally or physically attractive and then wish the world will term our fixation as friendship, admiration, respect, or whatever else but illicit. Would we allow such a friendship or equation to blossom if it came to our own man? If not, do we stop to wonder how it would feel to be swamped in that woman’s jealousy, insecurity or the sense of not having her man’s attention solely on herself like it is any woman’s desire?
There are some of us women who will cover our own men in canopies of possessiveness and insecurity, declaring he is shy and introverted, and not allow him to socialize even with our women friends, with the smug satisfaction that we have him reined in. Which man I wonder, shy or otherwise, would not like to be in a group of women, some of whom may actually like shy men. We go all out to woo another woman’s man, under the pen name of Email, Twitter, Facebook and Phone friendship, almost hounding him with all these gadgets now at our disposal, and the smarter his woman or the more physically attractive, it enhances our self-image at our capacity to allure such a woman’s man. Would we like our own man to receive calls, emails, texts or any other communication from a woman repeatedly in the name of friendship??
I am no fan of Shashi Tharoor, nor have any inclination here to take up his cause. What really interests me is the cause of the self-preservation of women. It is in that interest that I would like to see us women rise above our insecurities, live fruitful lives, and concentrate on the enhancement of our own living, rather than the bringing down of another woman, or even the moral enhancement of our men. It is by far easier to change ourselves, our thinking, our perspective, rather than dreaming to change another, even if it be our own man. So let us allow him to make that resolution to change or he never will, perhaps all we can do is lead him to think on the lines of it. For whom we can only truly change is ourselves.